The ten rules of marriage

These are strictly tongue in cheek, of course! I'm guessing these were written by a man!

Rule # 1
Marriages are made in heaven.
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

Rule # 2
If a man wants his wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word he says, he must talk in his sleep.

Rule # 3
Marriage is grand -- but divorce is at least a 100 grand!

Rule # 4
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Rule # 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Rule # 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Rule # 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his wife said . After marriage, he will fall asleep while she is still talking.

Rule # 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Rule # 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
That is why one sometimes treats the other like toxic waste.

Rule # 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.